funny – The Creative Chronicles of Dave Stancliff

Nutty

I Walnut disappoint you

said the Pecan to the Cashew

here’s some nutty jokes for you:

What do elephants drink on vacation?

Peanut coladas in celebration

Why didn’t the Pecan go to the ballet?

It was playing the nutcracker that day!

What do squirrels eat at the fair?

A-corn dog in a bun

Why was the peanut butter upset at the retirement party?

He was roasted by a fellow employee!

What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?

A Walnut that won’t fall

How do you sum up a cashew?

In a nutshell or two

I have a pun, but I will nut-tella you!

said the almond to the cashew

I float like a butternut, sting like a bee

the chestnut said to the fruit tree

-30-

Interview With an Old Cat

Bob the Cat was interviewed one day

by a curious kitten

who wouldn’t stay away

“How did your ears get that way?“

But Bob wouldn’t say

“How old are you?”

Bob told him to go away

“What do you do all day?”

Bob replied “Skip the survey”

the kitten finally had to concede

the old grouch wouldn’t proceed

and there’d be no interview

no wise worldview

from an old cat

like that

***

Blue Cat, Red Rat

one is lean and the other one is fat

people call them blue cat and red rat

blue cat is fast for his size

red rat has beady eyes

blue cat considers him prey

but red rat outruns him all day

blue cat is streaky

red rat is sneaky

blue cat likes his raw meat

red rat thinks cheese is neat

blue cat likes to frolic and play

red rat works at staying away

one day

blue cat’s tail was caught in a trap

and red rat laughed at the mishap

the next day

red rat was caught in a trap

and blue cat ate him in the recap

Obo the Clown

he was young when he started clowning around

the world his theater in the round

he wasn’t the kind of guy who ever got down

I’m talking about Obo the Clown

he was known for his funny jokes

and appealed to all kinds of folks

by all accounts he was always merry

when talking comedy he was a visionary

he enjoyed playing the clown for the day

and being on public display

the best thing about Obo the Clown

is that everyone wanted him around

Free the Frogs!

the swamp committee

held an emergency

meeting one day

snapping turtles

alligators

and fish were there

concerned over the frogs

welfare

someone locked them up

in a wicker basket

with hardly any air

so the swamp committee

gathered to see

how to set them free

the plotters made a plan

to free the frogs

from the man

when the alligator

approached

he ran

the turtle let the frogs loose

saving them from more abuse

the frogs croaked in delight

throughout the night!

Robots Day is Here

todays robots are made for walking

and that’s just what they’ll do

watch out, or they’ll walk all over you

to the tune of

These Boots are Made for Walking

by old blue eye’s daughter

Nancy Sinatra’s one big hit

about a woman in a snit

meanwhile

the day of the robots is here

they’re going to take your job

and they’re going to guzzle your beer

I’m really sorry to say

The Robots Day is here to stay

Kittens and Acrobats

here’s to death-defying kitties many skills

rivaling acrobats with their physical thrills

cartwheels off of couches and tables

are one of a kitten’s acrobatic stables

acrobats who do aerial stunts on a highwire

have nothing on kittens always willing to go higher

and when it comes to cute, kittens rule

although acrobats are also supercool

Food Party

I went to a food party the other day

with culinary masterpieces on display

all the major food groups were there

the savory aroma was without compare

Boston steamed clams and Dixie yams

mingled with Virginia bred hams

potatoes and squash sat side-by-side

foie gras and other snacks with stuff inside

sweetmeats, donuts, and other bakery delights

took me to new gastronomical heights

it was the kind of foody party

where you had to be ready to eat hearty

Animal Philosophy

arrogant humans have a tendency

to ignore animal philosophy

which is rooted in nature

and it’s abundancy

where there’s no need

for greed

no unwritten law

degreed

no political party to follow

no lies to swallow

with animal philosophy

you’re free

to live in harmony

Keep ’em Laughing

comedians, pranksters, jokers

and midnight tokers

keep us laughing

when we want to cry

even when we get a black eye

because the world goes around

with the laughter from a clown

worries go away

after a tough day

watching purveyors of mirth

makes life easier on this earth

as long as we keep clapping

they’ll keep us laughing

M	T	W	T	F	S	S
		1	2	3	4	5
6	7	8	9	10	11	12
13	14	15	16	17	18	19
20	21	22	23	24	25	26
27	28	29	30	31

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: