A very short story for animal lovers today:
When the front door locked and all the lights were turned off, except for the front window display, Seth, the German Shepard (who had the best view), barked once and said, “All’s clear!”
“Just in time too,” said Penelope the Poodle, “I was ready to tell that human to shut up already!”
“Easy with the tough talk missy,” Perry the Pug warned. “You’re supposed to be a sweet little doggie that someone would want to adopt.”
“Blow it out of your ear you stupid pug!” Penelope huffed.
“Both of you take a chilly bone. We don’t want to hear you two argue again all night,” Bob the Beagle interrupted. “Oh look! Larry got out again…”
Just then Larry the Labrador Retriever came around the corner. He stopped in the middle of the aisle and greeted them all; “Told you. No stupid human can keep me locked up if I don’t want to be.”
“Why you calling humans stupid Larry? Bob asked, with his southern drawl. “They feed us, give us a place to live, play with us and if we’re lucky they love us.”
“You know what I like about you Bob?” said Larry.
Bob smushed his snout into the cage door bars and asked, “What?”
“Your an optimist. You also come from a championship litter and humans like that. Take mutts. Mutts usually end up in dog pounds and shelters where their options are; get put down for the endless nap; live their entire life in a five-by-five cage; or someone MIGHT adopt them.”
“You can’t compare pedigree breeds with mutts. We’re bred to be superior, while mutts are usually an accident between two breeds,” Penelope proclaimed in her high (and highly irritating) snooty voice.
“Well, we must be as stupid as humans if that’s the case,” Chico the Chihuahua chimed in.
“Why’s that?” Perry asked.
“This talk about one type of dog being better than another is racist. Just look at the humans. They’re divided up into groups who barely tolerate one another because they look different or have different beliefs,” Chico explained.
Horace, the Blood Hound puppy, had been listening intently to the conversation. He finally spoke up, “Hey guys! How come we don’t talk with humans?”
A stunned silence.
“It’s to our advantage.” Seth said. “We always know what’s on their mind because they don’t think we understand them and speak freely in front of us. It’s way better than trying to read expressions.”
Horace seemed happy with the answer, and snuggled up with his two litter mates.
Larry then made his rounds seeing if any dogs needed anything – a midnight snack? No problem. The place was full of treats. Whenever Larry got adopted someday they’d all miss him.
“It’s nearly time for the human to show up!” Larry warned as he headed back to his cage.
“At least I won’t have to listen to you talk anymore you ugly pug,” Penelope snidely whispered.
As Jean the shop owner unlocked the front door store she thought – just for a moment – that someone said, “Stick it up your ass bitch!”
As It Stands, when I was young I really believed animals could talk and I just wasn’t lucky enough to catch them conversing. It’s a fantasy I still have.
The Creative Chronicles of Dave Stancliff 