Bob “Scoop” Nelson was an internationally known investigative reporter with the reputation for getting interviews others couldn’t get. He’d been around the globe a few times in his 21-year career and wasn’t easily impressed by his famous subjects. But he had to admit getting Jesus Christ to sit down for an interview was the pinnacle of his career.
Scoop was nervous, curious, and excitedat the opportunity. He had a slew of questions written down in his reporter pad in case he was too overawed to come up with spontaneous questions.He acknowledged the meeting would be a miracle despite not being a religious man. He thought to himself that it was about time Jesus came back. If there was ever a time humanity needed him most, it was the 21st century.
Talk of theApocalypseis rampant across the earthand for good reason. Mankind now has the ability to obliterate all life on the planet thanks to nuclear bombs.Hot wars are raging on all the continents and the climate crisis gets worse yearly.Scoop was trying to decide where to begin the interview when Jesus spoke, “Peace be upon you Scoop,”and smiled across the table separating them.The room was empty of all distractions with only one window looking out at the picturesque countryside.It was Scoops hideaway on an unnamed island that he retreated to whenever he wanted to get away from so-called civilization.
SCOOP – “Thanks for this chance to interview you oh Son of God.“
JESUS – “You don’t have to be so formal. Just call me Jesus. What would you like to know my son?“
SCOOP – (Forgetting to look at his notes) “Who’s going to win the World Series? No…no… I’m just kidding. Trying to lighten the moment it’s not every day I come into a holy presence such as yourself.“
JESUS – “The Yankees!“
SCOOP – “What the…?“
Jesus – “Just joking. It’s not every day I talk with a Yankee fan.“
SCOOP – (Picking up his reporter pad) “Okay then.When will the final end come for all humanity?“
JESUS – “Have you got a watch?“
SCOOP – “Oh no!“
JESUS – “Relax! Just joking with you again. Touchy. Touchy. My boss doesn’t allow me to give an exact time, or date, when the final reckoning will come. He just wants everyone to repent right now and be ready for the big day.“
SCOOP – “Gee… I’m not sure if my heart can take too many more jokes like that. Okay then.I’m an American. My question is simple. Is Donald J. Trump the spawn of the Devil, or the Devil himself?“
JESUS – “In the Bible I warned of false prophets. Trump is a cult leader, aka a false prophet, and a threat to your republic and the whole world.That’s the reason why I’m here with you today. The Big Guy and I decided to bless your efforts at educating Americans and the rest of the world about the cataclysmic consequences of letting Trump get re-elected. president.“
Scoop put his reporter pad down on the bare table and bowed his head. For once he was speechless. He suddenly had a new mission in life. A new, and more noble purpose than making money and living like a hermit.When he looked up Jesus was gone and there was a piece of paper lying in the center of the table.
“Actually, I wasn’t joking. The Yankees do win it all this season!”
Seven decades have not diminished one myth I grew up with. It has a placeof honor in my head that makes me smile. I still remember when I heard what would happen to my vision if I wacked my weinie!
I was undeterred and ready to go blind at eleven when I tossed caution aside infavor of pleasure – after some experimenting – and crossed the line between boyhood and manhood. I look back now with fondness at my innocence.
I never could fully understand the taboo against exploring my own body but would have preferred to be thrown in a cauldron of boiling oil than admit that. I joined my peers in mocking others accused of that crime of solo indulgence.It was a mean meme before there was such a thing.
My recollection of who came up with the myth is fuzzy, but I’ve narrowed it down to the church and parentsuniversally who don’t want their offspring to ever have sex.
Monica was a grocery store clerk who worked for a jerk, but because she had bills to pay she couldn’t just walk away, so she tried to make the most out of each day….
One afternoon she was confronted by a goon with a gun who demanded all the cash in her drawer, to her utter horror, while she complied her manager was trying to hide nearby behind a display of a soap called Tide…
After the goon grabbed the cash he was still unsatisfied, and demanded to know where the manager could hide, so Monica looked away from the Tide and was quick to abide pointing up at the office where he would normally reside…
When the police arrived they caught the goon, talked with the manager for a little while, as Monica cleaned up a mess in an aisle, the manager came by to say, “Thank you!” and “… it’s time for a raise in your pay.”
The Creative Chronicles of Dave Stancliff 