(Humor) An Interview with Jesus

Bob “Scoop” Nelson was an internationally known investigative reporter with the reputation for getting interviews others couldn’t get. He’d been around the globe a few times in his 21-year career and wasn’t easily impressed by his famous subjects. But he had to admit getting Jesus Christ to sit down for an interview was the pinnacle of his career.

Scoop was nervous, curious, and excited at the opportunity. He had a slew of questions written down in his reporter pad in case he was too overawed to come up with spontaneous questions. He acknowledged the meeting would be a miracle despite not being a religious man. He thought to himself that it was about time Jesus came back. If there was ever a time humanity needed him most, it was the 21st century.

Talk of the Apocalypse is rampant across the earth and for good reason. Mankind now has the ability to obliterate all life on the planet thanks to nuclear bombs. Hot wars are raging on all the continents and the climate crisis gets worse yearly. Scoop was trying to decide where to begin the interview when Jesus spoke, “Peace be upon you Scoop,” and smiled across the table separating them. The room was empty of all distractions with only one window looking out at the picturesque countryside. It was Scoops hideaway on an unnamed island that he retreated to whenever he wanted to get away from so-called civilization.

SCOOP –Thanks for this chance to interview you oh Son of God.

JESUS – “You don’t have to be so formal. Just call me Jesus. What would you like to know my son?

SCOOP – (Forgetting to look at his notes) “Who’s going to win the World Series? No…no… I’m just kidding. Trying to lighten the moment it’s not every day I come into a holy presence such as yourself.

JESUS – “The Yankees!

SCOOP – “What the…?

Jesus – “Just joking. It’s not every day I talk with a Yankee fan.

SCOOP – (Picking up his reporter pad)Okay then. When will the final end come for all humanity?

JESUS – “Have you got a watch?

SCOOP – “Oh no!

JESUS –Relax! Just joking with you again. Touchy. Touchy. My boss doesn’t allow me to give an exact time, or date, when the final reckoning will come. He just wants everyone to repent right now and be ready for the big day.

SCOOP – “Gee… I’m not sure if my heart can take too many more jokes like that. Okay then. I’m an American. My question is simple. Is Donald J. Trump the spawn of the Devil, or the Devil himself?

JESUS –In the Bible I warned of false prophets. Trump is a cult leader, aka a false prophet, and a threat to your republic and the whole world. That’s the reason why I’m here with you today. The Big Guy and I decided to bless your efforts at educating Americans and the rest of the world about the cataclysmic consequences of letting Trump get re-elected. president.

Scoop put his reporter pad down on the bare table and bowed his head. For once he was speechless. He suddenly had a new mission in life. A new, and more noble purpose than making money and living like a hermit. When he looked up Jesus was gone and there was a piece of paper lying in the center of the table.

“Actually, I wasn’t joking. The Yankees do win it all this season!”

-30-

Insults

Insults by the Left and the Right

often end up in a fight

Insults

Assaults

Reverberate

across the country

breaking down civility

Insults like a fungus

grow among us

poisoning society

with maximum anxiety

Insults are like fleas

hopping on hosts

and bringing a disease

Insults

are the results

when communication fails

and anger prevails

Tidbits of Truth

there is only one truth

in reality

there’s no guarantee

on what you hear or read

is not a partisan screed

facts are often muddied

with lies

that galvanize

people’s bias

until

tidbits of truth

break through

people must make do

with the tried and true

**

Humanity Lost

Diversity and equality are building blogs for successful civilizations

as history so clearly tells us in somber tones meant to sound wise

but those qualities are often poorly concealed lies

of patriotism meant to fool the hoi polloi

into treating democracy like a Tinker Toy

Nations rise and fall on realities

versus ideologies

in the end, humans can’t live in peace

we’re no one’s masterpiece

**

Echo and Ego

in the pantheon of gods there’s two you should know

Echo and Ego

they walk around our world every day

one praising herself and the other echoing away

one generally follows the other’s lead

praising the other’s every deed

they like sports stars and movie stars

and famous writer’s early memoirs

you might be surprised to know

that everyone has an ego

it’s the echo

that determines if fame is to be had

whether it’s good…or whether it’s bad

The Hitchhiker and the UFO

some people are meant to travel by whatever means

cars, trucks, buses, biking,

trains, planes, or hitchhiking

which was one man’s favorite mode

to take off a load

traveling free

across the country

was the only way to go

until one day when

the hitchhiker met a UFO

which offered him a ride

to wherever he wanted to go

so he took a quick tour of the galaxy

to see what wonders he could see

like the red dunes of Mars

and the shooting stars

with their ancient history

but the time soon came

to go back home again

with new traveling tales

of space and cosmic trails

Consequences

we cannot hide from our deeds

whether they’re good or bad

our actions have consequences

that either leave us happy or sad

the life moves we make

affect our journey

and the roads we take

a good path

or a mistake

call it karma

or call it fate

everything you do

comes back to you

love

or hate

Treatise on Poems

who are poems for?

the wealthy or the poor?

or is it possible

there’s more?

emphatically, yes!

they’re for everyone

to access

poems are gifts to share

with the rest of us

anywhere

who enjoy a poetic flair

watching words take wing

rhyming with everything

flights of imagination

with every narration

comes from poetry

like leaves from a tree

we gather them up

into our memory

Obo the Clown

he was young when he started clowning around

the world his theater in the round

he wasn’t the kind of guy who ever got down

I’m talking about Obo the Clown

he was known for his funny jokes

and appealed to all kinds of folks

by all accounts he was always merry

when talking comedy he was a visionary

he enjoyed playing the clown for the day

and being on public display

the best thing about Obo the Clown

is that everyone wanted him around

Outside The Box

I climbed out of the box one day

unafraid of what people would say

leaving behind conventions

with good intentions

gone astray

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